persuasive+writing


 * __ Why school should start at 10:00 am instead of 8:45 am or 8:40  __**
 * Firstly who wants to wake up at six o’clock in the morning just to get to school on time? Well, I currently do not. Imagine if you could sleep in until eight o’clock and still get to school on time you would get more time for your homework and it would be easier for teachers too because we would be awake and ready to learn and will not be tired because we do not have to wake up so early in the morning and still have heaps of time left. **
 * It has been proven that a lack of sleep can affect your learning and you can concentrate better when you have more sleep and for the teachers, the students will not have a excuse to not have they are homework done and because if you where away at night you could do it in the morning, and the teachers do not have to wake up as early and wont be grumpy and give less detentions or time outs and there will probably be more bunking and other school world wide problems. But if we stop having morning tea then the day would still be three hours long and we would have the same learning time as usual. **
 * And kids can stay up late to watch movies and do their work and sleep in as well as have sleep over’s during the week! You can also play with your pet if you have one and take him for a walk and do your chores so that you do not have to do it after school when you have to do your homework. **
 * When it is dark who do you think is lurking in the bushes when you bike to school…Murderers although it is very unlikely, murderers do target kids at night in the dark so that the parents would not notice that they are gone and.. Would they go for your kid in the light, no because everybody would notice and they would phone the police and your kids would be safe to go to school again without the killer on the loose. **
 * Why would it be bad for you? **
 * Because you can come home earlier and have some time for yourself before you have to do your chores or have your hot nice dinner. And also would it not be easier to get to school early then late because you will most likely sleep in too late and be at school way too late and probably be suspended for a little while and that will affect yours and others learning and it will show on your report and you will most likely not get into the high school that you are wanting to go to. **
 * By Bram **
 * That is why I think school should start at 10:00 am! **


 * My goal for next time:**
 * My goal for next time is to use better punctuation and paragraphs in my other writing and stuff.**

This was my first piece of persuasive writing!

He has been bullied by his father many times and yet he does not give up which shows that he has a strong will and will do anything to help out in hard times, he has token three arrows and survived which means he is very strong in intelligence and strength he has faced of many foes and won never losing a one on one battle he is a nice man with a nice personality and is good with both sword, arrow and siege machines. That is why I think Faramir is the best hero in the Lord of the Rings. **
 * this is my second piece of Persuasive writing**
 * Why Faramir the best hero there is in Lord of the Rings**
 * Well to start with, why would Orcs be better then Faramir…..? Exactly, Faramir is the ultimate hero he can resist the ring unlike his brother Boromir he has heavy armour which is made to look really cool and be strong unlike Orcs and Uruks who have crude armour and looks and is really bad compared to the armour of Faramir his courage is indescribable he is not scared of anything and will gladly die for his country, Gondor,
 * By Bram.B

My goal: to use better punctuation and paragraphs for my writng and other stuff.

this is my third piece of persuasive writing

Dear Mum & Dad, Would you rather be in a boring classroom, doing some writing and not getting a chance to play? Are you tired of only getting a break for half hour – to an hour of playing, and never doing anything new? Was that what you would want if you were sill my age? Well the ski trip shall entrust us in an adventure and motivates our bodies’ extensions to push yourself through the activity. The skiing trip has finally come around and were really excited about going and I need your permission. There will be heaps of fun things to do and we are looking forward to going. It has been one of our priorities this year and we don’t want to be let down right at the end and it would be great if all our hard work has gone to waste. I have never done skiing but I really want to learn on what to do and how to do it. It is a great way to bring all sorts of people together and to get to know each other. Lots of people we know shall be there so I won’t be alone but there are more new kids there that I could learn to know them a little better. It will be overnight which will make this trip even better and it will give us a chance to get to know the place and have more time to experience it. By the time we get there and back, we will have filled our active bar and would want a break but in a way still want more adrenaline! It will give us a chance to learn something completely different and at the same time enjoy doing it. Yours Sincerely, Bram Brichau **


 * Reflection**


 * I think this was pretty hard because the person that checked my work kept finding not very good stuff and I had to keep changing it over and over again.

goal for next time... get my work done quicker

how i will achieve this..... -not get distracted by other people -not go on inappropriate websites -get to work quickly and quietly

parents comment I think this is a very good goal for you, Bram. Keep in mind though that the quality of your work shouldn't suffer. The key here is focus, not rushing things. Good luck!Mum**

 Teacher Comment You have chosen an interesting topic Bram and for the most part I naturally agree that you have included some main ideas that are worth considering. These ideas do need to be supported though and connections made to other areas such as your murder point. Do you have any statistics about child murders at night? How would the murders make parents, friends, or society feel? This would add impact to your writing. ·  Spelling || Most commonly used words are spelt correctly || No more than 10% spelling errors and developing breadth in word usage || No more than 5% spelling errors and developing breadth of word usage appropriate to genre || ·  Main Ideas || includes several ideas, some with supporting detail || beginning to support main ideas with increasing detail || consistently includes details to support main ideas || Ideas are linked logically through paragraphs || beginning to vary sentences using conjunctions || varies sentence beginnings and length beginning to vary sentence structures in a variety of ways and may use complex sentences || varies sentence beginnings and sentence length to suit purpose. Sentence structures varied using complex sentences with subordinate clauses. || ·   Repetition || Uses repetition without effect || beginning to use repetition and achieve desired effect || Uses repletion effectively ||
 * || Lvl 2 || Lvl 3 || Lvl 4 ||
 * Surface Features
 * ·  Punctuation || Mostly correct use of full stops, capitals, commas and question marks. Beginning to use question marks || Mostly correct use of full stops, capitals, commas, exclamation marks speech marks and question marks || Accurate use of full stops, capitals, commas, exclamation marks speech marks, question marks, apostrophes, parentheses, ||
 * ·  Vocabulary || || || ||
 * Deeper Features
 * ·  Paragraphing || some sequencing is evident || ideas are beginning to be organised into paragraphs || paragraphs are easy to read and have supporting detail for main ideas.
 * ·  Sentence Structure || beginning to vary sentence length and beginnings
 * Specific Language Features
 * ·  Emotion || beginning to use emotive words || beginning to use emotive language that appeals to audience || Uses emotive language effectively to convey desired message to audience ||
 * ·  Structure || attempts to grab audience attention and give an opinion statement || Grabs audience attention and attempts to give clear opinion statement || Grabs audience attention and gives clear opinion statement ||